Today Marks our 8th Year!

Today marks our 8th year together as husband and wife. I must say that we've been known to be the romantics, the cheesy, the always happy and together couple by our friends and family and normally, a sweet captioned photo is expected from either one of us on occasions such as today. But I feel that this year was more special than the past and so I wanted to share a little more.

It's true that marriage is not all fun and love but for the first 6years of our marriage I didn't think that could ever be true for us. It's been fun and fun for me at least! It felt like we were on an extended honeymoon. It has always felt that we can get through any thing together, we didn't really argue and when we would, we forgive and forget almost always at an instant. We don't sleep angry at each other, we never forgot to say 'I love you', we're hopeless romantic. For some time, I really felt we were #couplegoals! But last year tested us. There were no other parties involved, it was no one else's but ours' fault that got us to a low point. I can't even blame it on the kids because we have two of the most wonderful, energetic, funny, kind and loving children, we are so blessed to have them. For me, I can only speak for me, it felt like we disconnected, we spoke less, hugged and kiss less, the effort was less. Was it complacency? Was it that we were just tired all the time? Was it because work and kids kept us from doing things together and doing things on our own time? Maybe it was the pressure that we placed on ourselves-- we wanted to be the best parents, we wanted to keep our old lifestyles, we wanted to travel but money was tight, we wanted to do things individually but our schedules didn't allow us. It may be a 'yes' to all of that, it could be something else or something more but I just knew and I felt for a time that we were slipping away. To be completely honest, I was going to let it happen.

Yet here we are, celebrating together, recharged, forgiven. It took what felt was the whole last year to get us where we are now. We were not the type of couple that would squawk at each other but we definitely argued, we had nights where we slept angry at each other, days that we were not particularly happy with each other, days that we don't even talk except through text or to check on the kids. We tried to fix the issues so many times but we failed many times too. There were a lot of tears. There were moments where I felt alone, I'm sure he had those moments too. For those, I'm sorry and I know he is too.

Year 7 was rough, it was tough, it was cold. It sunk in that no matter how good a couple is, they are not immune to struggles, that no matter how good we have it, we will get weak, unhappy and lost. We learned something we thought we already knew, that we had an amazing 6 years together because we talk, no, not just talk, we've always communicated. We were open about our fears, our pain, our joys, our pleasures, our dislikes and if we close that door even for just a little bit, we will lose each other. Perhaps the biggest realization is that the saving grace of a marriage is not love, because that was never a question, I never once loved him less during our tough times. The saving grace is everything else outside of love--it is trust, it is respect, it is the constant and tough choice you make to stay together. And not just stay together because we have to for our kids. It was the kind that we would stay together because we do love each other because he chose me and I still chose him.

I don't think we will ever get ourselves back to where we were before last year, honeymoon phase has finally ended for us. But no one said that the rest of our lives has to be less than the beginning. In fact, it is more and it could be so much more. We can fall but we can pick each other up over and over, we can get lost but what a joy once we find each other again, we can stop speaking but I bet you that the conversation after that pause is going to be incredible! Our last argument also led us to what could've been the be all or end all conversation. I was ready to give up, I thought that day. I am just going to pour myself out to him, I mean, I always do but year 7, the many times I did, I felt not heard. This time, in my head, how he responds will determine our faith. That day, I'm so glad he cried with me. I'm so glad he secured me. I said so many but one I particularly remember, I told him I was scared that I was losing him and he said "you will never." That day, he chose to stay. I chose to stay too!

So to my husband, Jeb, cheers to us! We survived a tough year, I'm sure there'll be tougher years. Let's live and learn from each year and hope that it betters us individually and together!

A Letter to My Kids.

Dear Isla and Joaquin,

This is the first that mom's writing to you both so forgive me if it's long. You will be celebrating your birthdays soon and I just can't help getting emotional. All sorts of feelings all mixed up together, I'm happy and sad and proud and wish I can freeze the time just a bit longer, but also so excited to see how you both will grow.

To my first born, Isla. Mommy and daddy could not be any prouder of you. I won't lie, you gave us a run for our money when you were a baby and during the beginning of your toddler years. Now I can see why you were the way you were then. You were always ahead of us. You've always known who you are, what you want and what you need and you've always made it a point to let us know, and for the longest, I refused to listen.

From your first days and months you told mommy, you wanted to eat more, you didn't want to be swaddled, you want the lights off to sleep and you loved loved the water. When your brother came, you demanded the attention. You made it clear to me that I cannot force you to do anything you don't want but that if I acknowledge your feelings, you will give in and also try to comply to what I want but it is your choice, you will choose to comply. You also made it known that the most important thing to you is to allow you to do things on your own and on your own time. You did understand that it’s ok to ask for help and you do when you need it. Now, you are old enough to tell me that you don't like it when I scream at you and you cry when you see me cry so I try my best not to in front of you in my times of weakness. You keep or at least always try to keep your end of the deal so I should too. You love your brother, you don't like him sick and you will comfort him when he needs it. You give in to him so many times but now you've learnt that not everything is for him and you will take what is yours. You choose your battles and you have a very long patience. You love the moon, you love to be chased and tickled, you love movies and animals. You like knowing how things work. You will try something and won't stop doing it until you've mastered it to your standards.You love being independent but also love your mommy-and-you time. You love hearing me say I love you and you tell me you love me more. You love my hair, you play with it so often. You want me to give you time and undivided attention even if it's just your favorite "2minutes". I try my best to give you more than that because I know you deserve it.  

Isla, I don't know how you came about to be you at this age but I am loving it. I love that I can talk to you. I love that you try to listen. I love that you apologize. I love that you fight for what you don't like but will also try to compromise. I pray and hope that you stay this way because this is a making of a person that would go a long way. You are compassionate, you are determined, kind and considerate. You feel and understand in ways that sometimes I feel like is beyond your years. I will always be beside you for as long as you need me and even when you think you don't, I will gladly step aside and watch you do your thing. Keep being yourself. Not all will understand you and will get who you are but it's ok, I will accept you for who you are always. 

Now, to you Joaquin. You are the surprise of a lifetime and I guess it's true, we don't really know what we need and want but God will give it to us anyway and He gave us you. Our family would not be complete without you. I look at you and only feel joy and giddiness because how could I not?! You are the most adorable thing in the world. Everything you do is funny, is cute even when you're naughty!

I struggle to keep a straight face when I have to discipline you but I do. I have to anak. I will try my best to instill in you everything that I tried with your sister. You are so different from her but so similar in many ways too. It's like de javu many times. You are also headstrong, probably more so than your sister. Unlike her though, you can't be talk to about it, you just want to be given time and when you're ready, you will allow me to comfort you. You gave us the easiest time during your first year. It's as if you decided, I'll be chill because Ate needs you right now. And you know, you still do this up to now. When your sister starts her drama about a toy or a movie or tv show she likes, you give in and allow her to have her way. You hardly complain but when you do, I know now that I have to pay attention. You are so much like your father in that department.  You talk and you like to be included in conversations, you like being included in plays and pretends. You also are so eager to learn. You want to help mommy and you follow instructions so well, mommy is so happy about that. You communicate to me what you want too and will keep at it until I give you the warning of your limits. You cry for a bit when things are not in your favor but eventually, just like how you were as a baby, you self soothe and will go back to your old happy self. I know right now people overwhelms you. You hide behind me and that's ok sweetheart. I will make you feel secure whenever you need it. You love sports, you sleep with a basketball but as early as now, you show care and empathy. You love your sister. You rely on her for many things and I saw many moments that you have defended her. Your little self, whispers when Ate is sleeping because you don't want to wake her. You are just the sweetest brother. You would comfort anyone when they're crying with those warm kisses and hugs of yours, it works like magic Quino! Now you know how to say good morning and I look forward to it. You are also starting to pick up "I love you" and I always wait for you to say it back. Sorry is hard for you, you won't face the wall but will take a minute in the corner when needed.

Quino, I feel at times that I barely watched you in your first year and now I see that you need me more, you want me more. Thank you for needing me still, for wanting me. Thank you for your random kisses, you don't know how much that makes me feel loved by you. Thank you for your joyful welcomes and for calling my name "mommeh!", you don't know how much that excites me too. Stay sweet my love and please, don't grow up so fast, let mommy baby you for a little while longer.

To you both, you are my world. I love you both so much!

11months Apart: How it's been with our Irish Twins?

I decided to write this post because recently, I have been experiencing the full beauty of what has become my life, a mother of Irish twins. I don't think I need to state the obvious but I will state it anyway, we did not plan for our children to be this close in age. Heck, I don't even know that we planned having a second, well at least at the time, we were so into being a parent of our first that a second child was not even in the picture. To our biggest surprise, Isla who was born on November 12, 2016 was 4months old and we found out that I was 12weeks pregnant! October 13, 2017, my Joaquin "Quino" was born and even when we had the rest of my 39weeks of pregnancy to plan out what our new life is going to be, we were not prepared. Nothing about Quino's arrival was planned out, how I found out I was pregnant was by accident, how I gave birth (he came so quickly, 1hour of labor and 5minutes of pushing, no time for an epi or for any of my birth support team was able to make it!), and nothing could've prepared us with how Isla was going to take her new baby brother.

Now with that said, was it as hard as I thought it would be? I can honestly say...it is HARD! I was pregnant for two years in a row, went through the phases twice and being pregnant on the second time was rough! Sleep was a commodity hard to come by; we had to deal with childcare set up as I still went to work full time. Talk about two active toddlers one learning to run and one just learned to crawl, I cannot even begin to say how hard that was. But to answer the question, it could've been harder but it was not. Motherhood on its own is challenging and when you're in a loop of the same struggle, it is testing but the cliché and truth, that it is the most rewarding, fulfilling experience.

Eventually, we got the kids to sync their activities. After the 1st year, Quino caught up with his sister's schedule from the time they wake up, eat, nap and go to bed. We somehow got them to enjoy most of the same toys and games, it got more manageable. The real beauty though is now. Isla at 2 and a half years old and Quino at 1 and a half, we are starting to see how these two have built a connection. They seem to rely on each other for almost everything. Even at their young age, we see they truly love being with each other. This is true for any siblings no matter the age difference I think, whether their actual twins or 2, 3 or 6years apart but to witness the kind of bond they have at their age gives me a new level of high.

They rely on each other for sleep-- now that we've moved them in one bedroom together, our camera catches them check on each other over the course of the night. They wake up at different times of the night to see if one is still there. They rely on each other for play-- they take turns on who will be the ice cream seller, in the kitchen, who will cook soup and who will cook cake. They learn from each other, Isla teaches him words, Quino teaches Isla patience and sharing. Mornings are the best, if one is up first, the other waits patiently for the other to wake up and gives the best morning greeting every time. They even connive to trick Jeb and I, scaring us or when they both don't want a bath or the food, they stare at each other and give each other this smirk that's like a signal they will both refuse it. I watch them speak to each other, I can never understand about what but they laugh, they whisper, then they correct each other. They look for each other when one is not in the same place. They comfort each other, probably the thing they do that I love the most. When one is crying, the other comes running to see why, Quino would hug Isla or Isla would try to help Quino feel better, talk to him, tell him "it's ok". Isla who is the biggest mommy's girl, when she knows her brother is sick will give way and allow Quino to get my 100% attention. I can go on and on to say what I get to see everyday between them two.

It maybe that their age gap made their connection stronger, maybe not, as I've seen the same behaviors in kids farther in age. It maybe that they're so close in age that they get each other and not feel that they need to compete with each other (yet). Whether it is that closeness in age that gave them this incredible relationship, I'm elated that I get to witness it everyday. I am hopeful that we can continue to cultivate it so that they keep this kind of closeness for until they're older. Our journey with our version of twins was crazy but I truly wouldn't have it any other way.

My Old and New Favorite Toddler Items

Fun stuff to discuss today! Shopping! I actually feel lucky that there are so many new things available out there to make our mommy lives somewhat easier nowadays. From gadgets to strollers to recipes or containers, there are plenty of options to choose from making shopping for the kids so much more fun. By the way, I think you really are adulting when a container actually “sparks joy” haha! I have a few new favorite items and I am sharing items that I’ve purchased for my daughter that I still currently love and use for my son.

Summer Infant Pop Infant Pop and Sit Booster:  

1 
I     I love love this one and have proven its usability so many times. I even get compliments on my preparedness whenever I take this one out. I purchased this a long while ago for Isla since Jeb and I are always jumping from house to house, restaurant to restaurants and would always have trouble keeping Isla to stay put during meals. We keep this in our car at all times and Quino now uses it the most. It comes in handy when I go over to a friend’s home and especially handy since I assist two young toddlers during meal time so having at least one of them strapped in a chair during meals makes it easier specially if I’m out with them on my own. It’s handy while eating at those not-so-child friendly restaurants at Chinatown or somewhere in the city or if you're at a relative's or friend's home that do not have smaller kids at home. Also, it folds so small and weighs close to nothing that the portability is just really great, I will more than likely carry this along with me when we go to our Florida trip. Best thing for me too is how affordable it is and you're really going to get great use of this item. 

Stasher Reusable Silicone Food Bag:

Newest favorite item recommended by my favorite blogger. I purchased one for each child and it has saved me from using ziplocs. Yes, you do have to wash it but it being silicone (much easier to wash than plastic) is barely any trouble. Amazingly, the lock system on this thing is great! It is very unlikely that it will accidentally open in your bag and smaller toddlers can’t easily open it either (and ziplocs do have that problem sometimes), less mess. Kids love it because it’s easy to carry and is colorful. It’s also not bulky, great for packing everyday. It is a little pricey for me (being that it’s just a small container) but you only have to purchase this once or maybe twice if it actually wears down but definitely a great buy.


OXO Tot Waterproof Silicone Roll Up Bib:

I first found this at Tjmaxx, came in two colors for about $14.99 and ever since then I stopped using all other silicone bibs. This one has great coverage on both of my kids’ chest, and being that my kids are such messy eaters it immediately became my favorite because it certainly done its job in keeping them cleaner during meals. It holds up really well so I have never experienced food spill out like most of the bib food catchers I’ve used. Again, folds and locks which is a huge thing for me because it doesn’t take as much space as others do in our diaper bag. I do carry two all the time so you know I'm always in the hunt for space saving items. Only downside is the top half of it is not silicone and does retain some moisture it seems like, so eventually you will have to repurchase this, but since price isn’t that bad either, I didn’t mind having to at all. 

Melissa and Doug Stamp Pad Set: 

If your kid is into arts and crafts, this is a great option! We found ours on sale at TJmaxx as well for $4. It has saved me from having to buy sooooo many stickers and like a lot of the Melissa and Doug items (check them out, they make such great toys) they come in their wood containers and easy to organize and put away. The ink is washable!!! Isla has stamped her face, her arm as much as I remind her to keep it on paper but all were very easily washed off. She has also stamped her activity table and it also came off of that. I also particularly love the long handle ones because for younger toddlers, it was easier for them to grip and use. 

Project 62 Round Woven Basket from Target:

I think my house has become a home of baskets. I have only about 50 of them so I’m a basket expert at this point right? I recently found this basket from all moms' happy place Target, and I love it! My son who is still not very careful or stable have been getting a lot of booboo’s from regular rattan baskets, he falls and hit it, or scratches himself when he’s picking a toy from inside the basket. I was on a hunt for a new toy basket for our living room and found this and loved it altogether. It’s kept formed and sturdy by thick wires so no slouching or deforming issues, it’s wide but not too tall, and it is covered in this super soft yarn looking thing, super cute and just $24.99, not bad all.

Delonghi Espresso Machine:

Well no, my toddlers don’t drink espresso but I need it more than ever now! This was gifted to me by my super thoughtful husband, he’s great at gifting and always know what to get me and man o man, this has been great! It has saved me tons of money since I have not been going to Starbucks and less need to buy my iced lattes from DD. I also love that it is not as expensive as the other machines (given those are probably much better) but if you’re looking for a price-friendly espresso machine, this one is a great option. I honestly feel that my espresso drinks taste as good as store brought. It comes with 3 settings, whether you want a single shot, double shot or for convenience, want to use espresso pods as well. There’s a model one down to this from Delonghi and I actually returned that one because this came with the pod feature and a much better frother for only $15 more. Amazon sells it cheaper compared to other places we’ve checked; same model sells for $150 at target but purchased this for $113 from amazon. Accessories like the tamper/measuring spoon combo does come with it but I decided to purchase a metal tamper instead based on advice that it has a little more weight and you do have to tamper your grounds pretty good to get the best espresso taste. Places like Tjmaxx or amazon sell the syrups at very good price so I’ve been able to make a decent caramel macchiato out of this machine. Moms….coffee is life! Go get this one to keep you going!

I love my children but I have complaints…and that’s ok

In this day and age of social media massiveness, it’s so easy to get sucked in to the pressure of projecting your best image and more so if you’re a mother. Oh the pressure of looking like you got it together, the pressure of you and your children having “aww” moments. Don’t get me wrong, those actually happen, you certainly have days that you have it together and that you and your children are having a swell time I share a lot of those too, but you know there are days where none is going my way and that there’s hesitations from us mothers to share it as much as we share our joys.

I have complaints-- dinner time is a mess in our house…

…it took a whole hour before my kids fell asleep

…I didn’t even get a decent cup of coffee today

…I don’t feel like cooking

…I am lazy and just want to stay in bed but I can’t!

…there was crying, a lot of crying

…ugggghhhh…they’re so clingy

…this is basically everyday!

I have more to list but I think you get the point. I’m writing this down and sharing it because it’s true. I mean maybe not for all but it is for me and probably for some of you too. The thing is, we should be allowed to complain. What’s real is motherhood is tiring and it’s not pretty all the time. Whether you’re a stay home mom, mom with help, mom who works, single parent, a new mom, a mom of multiples, we have complaints. I actually find myself following influencers that show more of these moments and hey, even then they still look good…how to be them?

Needless to say, I am human. I have an amazing power that is motherhood but I am and have been weak in many moments too. When my kids are sick and I can’t do anything about it. When I can’t get my kids to eat their meals. When I can’t get them to daycare in time for piano class or pick them up from daycare before it closes. It sometimes feels like I am never going to get this perfectly. Oh, yeah, I really never will! So why are we so hesitant to let it out? We should be able to tell our girlfriends, tell our partner, our mom, our sisters or even a stranger. And better yet, we should not be deemed like a bad person for doing so. Parenthood is not easy. If I look like I am complaining and I probably am, I am just stating facts. I encourage you to talk about the bad because it can lead you to talking about the good. Talk about the bad because it can lead to realizations or you may actually find solutions.  

Let me say this though, I have 100 complaints and only need one good moment to feel better. I complain but that does not mean I didn’t get that one big hug when I picked them up from daycare. It does not mean I didn’t see the cute face my son made when he said “uh-oh” because he dropped his plate on the ground. That one good moment amongst the crazy moments is all I needed to get me through another day. That one good moment is what makes it all worth it. We need to complain because we are humans, it’s our nature. We need to vent because bottling it up or covering it up, trying to just feel the good and not feel the bad is never healthy. I complain because I am seeking comfort so if I do, please offer that. I complain but it does not mean I am ungrateful because as tough as parenting is, I will never trade it for anything else. I complain but I will always be more grateful for these tiny beings that though drives me crazy, also makes my world the most beautiful place to be. As I said, motherhood empowers you. It empowered me to speak up when my day is not going smoothly, but it also empowered me to see the beauty in the sea of ugly.  

Dealing with My Strong-Willed Child

Do you believe that your children’s personalities are in-born or developed? Personally, I think it is both. Looking at my children I see so much of my husband and I in them and I see so much of what we are not as well. This post, I’m going to focus solely on my daughter because my sweet boy is still in the process of developing his personality. Being my first born, my daughter always threw me off the loop, everything is “first time” with her and she keeps me guessing on what I have to do and how to deal. Just when I think I have this whole motherhood gig figured out, she throws a big curve ball that gets me scratching my head again. I question myself, is this me? Is this my husband? Did I make her this way? Most of the time I do answer “well yeah, I’m dealing with a little me!” and there are times where I’m just lost and ask, “how do I deal with this?” Now whether she was born with this or she developed it one thing I do know now for sure, she’s a willful one!

Strong willed, stubborn, headstrong…I don’t know if it’s true for everybody but these words have such a negative connotation. Dealing with my daughter now, I will tell you, “hey, it’s not.” As much as she challenges me with her stand-her-ground personality, I’ve come to appreciate it and now know this is just a part of her. I look ahead in the future and think, she has conviction, some guts on this little one of mine, she fights for what she wants. That’s a good trait, that’s a trait that will get her somewhere. I just need to try to hone that trait to be used more for good than bad. Stubbornness is like a superpower and it comes with great responsibilities! Willfulness of a toddler comes with screaming and crying, even hitting and kicking, throwing things, walk outs, meltdowns. So, moms, when you see a parent dealing with that, no, don’t pity her, that’s not needed but don’t judge her either, that won’t help.

I’ve come to realize that my daughter will only throw a fit for things that truly matters to her. I will tell you that my daughter is actually a good follower. There are far more things that she follows than ones she truly fights me for. She has proven many times that she can and will follow if it matters to me, like limited screen-time, eating her meals, taking a bath, no hitting, being nice to her brother, bedtimes, politeness etc. As stubborn as she is, she is actually the sweetest and kindest little girl. For Isla, it’s things like playing outside the house or wearing her favorite princess dress, wearing her favorite pair of shoes-- small things that can trigger the biggest and I tell you, theatrical reactions and emotions. Strong willed children have strong beliefs on what they want. Realize that things we say no to or things we force on to a strong-willed child actually makes them feel violated. Acknowledge that. Respect their feelings of being displeased even if it doesn’t make sense to you. Allow them to feel angry if you made them go your way instead of theirs. This is one of the biggest realizations and it has helped not just me in dealing with her emotions, but it has helped her get over her emotions much quicker as well since she feels that she got her point across.

You can put your foot down. On certain occasions, when what they want truly doesn’t make sense. Know however, that dealing with a strong-willed child who will scream and cry even kick and hit when they’re fighting for something means putting your foot down quietly and gently. I’ve noticed that I’ve had better results dealing with her in the calmest manner, the more she screams, the calmer my voice gets. How I put my foot down is solely by not giving in. I don’t argue, I don’t fight or scream back at her, I just don’t give her what she asked for. A big example of this which I’ve dealt with several times with her is staying outside. Isla has been refusing to go inside our home after coming from daycare or any activity outside for that matter because she would rather play outside. It’s the middle of winter and we can’t stay outside for that long. I don’t say much, but I carry her in while kicking and screaming and let her throw her fit inside the house. I keep it short and say it’s too cold and we have to be inside. I leave her and let her have her moment. I come back and remind her that when she’s ready she can come and join me but I leave her again. Nagging your child or comforting her during “fit” phase will not do either of you any good. Learn to give each other the space and yes, turn a deaf ear and a blind eye to whatever tantrums she is throwing. Check in with her from time-to-time and remind her to try to calm down and just make sure she is not hurting herself, because yes, they fight so hard it can come to that.

I find that limitations and choices are your best compromise. If you know that saying “NO” will trigger a fit, then don’t say that word. Offer a choice, “I want ice cream for breakfast”…my answer, “will you take cereal instead? How about a peanut butter sandwich?” If she truly wants ice cream, hey, one day of that won’t harm her so allow it. I make sure to remind her before giving it to her that this is only for today and she can only have 3 spoonfull of it then normal breakfast has to be eaten. Make sure to pick your battles. Remember that you are battling your child and question, is it worth hurting her or yourself, because I am sure you hurt too when you two fight.  

I’ll end this blog with a message to my Isla, “baby, it’s been a joy being your mother, I love you and all your little quirks”. I want to also send a message to my mommas with your strong-willed children. They are ours and they deserve the biggest understanding and acceptance to come from us. This is who they are but don’t let it define them because it doesn’t. My child she is kind, she’s smart, she’s silly, she is creative, SHE IS STRONG-WILLED.

Walking into 2019 with My #MomGoals

Sunglasses: Target * Coat and Flats: Zara 

Motherhood, what else is to say about it that we all don’t know about yet (if you’re already a mom that is). Yes, it’s hard and yes, it’s fulfilling. Over the past couple of years since starting my journey as a parent, I’ve never been so unsure in my entire life. Everyday is different, everyday presents a different challenge. I don’t know how others pull this off so graciously but I know I did not, the good thing is I pulled it off, how I looked or how I did it is beyond me now. This year seems to have started a little better than others, maybe because my strong-willed daughter is now two and can communicate better or maybe because my 1 year old is also starting to be a little bit more independent too. So, it got me thinking what should my 2019 #momgoals be.

This year, I want to give myself some focus. That’s #momgoals 1! Should I have waited 2years to do so, maybe not but each parent’s or mom’s experience and how they face the challenge of parenthood is so different. I took time to adjust and our household was faced with ever so changing set up (work schedules, daycare schedule and set up) and this is the first time I think I can actually take the time to eat my meals normally (have dinner on time), brush and fix up my hair, put on some make up, allow myself a glass of wine and a nextflix series at a time. It seems so dense but I still believe that how you look has a great effect on how you feel everyday too. I want to dress better, take time to make myself not look perfectly put together but less imperfect--add a blush, put on a good lip color, take time to do a skin routine, whatever it maybe that makes oneself better.

#momgoals 2, come on time. Whether this be at work or going home, I want to be on time this year. Well, to be honest, this is a goal I’ve had since I was single but even more important now and up in my list to achieve now that I am mom. What a difference it makes to actually be with your kids for dinner time. I’ve never been more out of time in my life than when I became a parent and being a working parent, 24hours is just not enough! Every minute literally counts and every minute missed or lost is a task undone.

#momgoals 3, organize and clean. I have to say I’ve neglected my home over the past couple of years and rightfully so since my little beings are far more important than my house looking like its straight out of pinterest. However, this year, I do want to arrange my home that it maybe of less maintenance for me. This means organizing, giving things its rightful places so that tidying up won’t be such a lengthy chore every day. And this equals to more QT with the kids!

#momgoals 4, live it. I want to live my parenthood more. Complain if I have to, have more breakdowns and not be so afraid to be judged for doing so. Be cheesy and capture when I have “aww” moments because how many of those am I still going to have? I want to write about it more, share about it more, learn about it more! I want to be less fearful of being the type of mom I want to be—what type is that? Janelle, that type. There shouldn’t be just one to five types of moms. We all have similarities, but will always have our flare, will always have our own touch. As I share more, I don’t want to make more moms be like me or for them to like me, I just want to be more me.  

So all, here’s to 2019 and wish me luck on these #2019momgoals of mine!

Involving your toddler/s at home more every day.

Believe me when I say, I’m not or at least no longer one of those parents who think that your kid or toddler should be off screen or that you should be that super parent that always has some cool activity for your children at all times. One, not all parents can afford to bring their children out to activities and two, screen time in moderation will not harm your children in my opinion. What I do love that we do at home with our kids which helped in both of those departments is actually involving them in our daily chores and activities. From cleaning, to making coffee, or cooking. This is great if you are in toddler stage right around 15-18months, where they’re always craving for something to touch or do or see and always are craving for your positive attention as well.

My daughter right when she turned 1yo suddenly showed interest in everything I did. She also started all sorts of ways to get my attention and was super clingy! I immediately had to make my adjustments at home or not much will be done. Also, when you’re a parent who is mostly alone with the kids (Jeb and my schedules are interchanged, I’m home and he’s not or he’s home and I’m not), you want to be able to do as much as if there’s someone else home with you. You can certainly find ways to maximize your time at home with the kids.  

We started letting Isla help us out, “play” with what I play with around 15months, which is my son's current age. He is now helping with closing the dishwasher door for me or opening a drawer if I need something, smaller things for younger ages and grows as they grow older. If I’m cleaning, they're cleaning with me, if I’m washing dishes, my daughter is right there with me too! Even when I’m home working, she’s “working” (playing with her toy laptop) too. Something so simple as letting her put forks and spoons in the dishwasher, letting her give me a hand in putting laundry in the basket, or letting her press the microwave buttons to heat my coffee allows you to have the following:

1.       Bond- you’re doing it together! What better way to bond than actually doing an activity together. Not just you and your child in one room, but you and your child helping each other, learning together, adjusting to each other. With your every “thank you” and “good job!”, he/she will feel so good being appreciated.

2.       Teach- you can count spoons and forks while putting them in the dishwasher; you can teach them open/close, inside/outside, top/under concepts while doing these too! If you’re doing laundry, colors are there, teach and practice it and again don’t forget to say your thank you’s and remind them they’re doing a good job! This also teaches you the most difficult thing to learn specially in parenting…PATIENCE!

3.       Play- keep every activity fun! Laugh, do “spoon cheers”, fastest one to put the shirt in the bin …everything is play with a toddler!

4.       Accomplish- yes, you probably could’ve done this faster if you hadn’t allowed her to play with you but you still got it done and with all the other 3 benefits mentioned above, you accomplished the chore and more!

One other minor benefit I also found is that it gave me less excuses to have the kids use my phone or TV to occupy them when I’m doing chores since they’re doing it with me. Of course, not to say I don’t take advantage of that great benefit of gadgets, I still do use them when I want things done faster due to timing. Those who know my kids know and will see that they love playing with mops, brooms, they’ll go to you if you’re washing dishes to help, wipe tables, water the plants, feed the dog etc. So already now at their young age, they’ve already grabbed the concept of helping, of being polite and of tidying up. Other things you can do, let them dust when you’re dusting, allow them to hold the broom after you’re done, allow them to water the plants, help giving your pet a bath. That’s really play for them more than it is a chore. You’ll also see that they’ll love the fact that they’re doing something with mommy or daddy. That’s an accomplishment for me, I taught them something good, something useful, something they may not necessarily learn from school but will be useful for them elsewhere.  I couldn’t be prouder that my two-year-old knows how to put her toys back in bins (most of the time not all times), that if I tell her to put her cup in the sink, she knows it and does it with no complaints, that she knows to care for our dog. For how long will she actually enjoy these, well…who knows! But I’m sure if I keep at it, maybe the fun will end, but the benefits will reap!

An Early Welcome to the Terrible Two's

I cannot even believe we are here now, at 22months, Isla has entered the dreaded Terrible Two's. There was just no way to prepare for it, we didn't even realize we were on it until I googled it and like experiencing a storm, she has put us in the eye of it. In this stage, the only constant in our life is the word "NO". However, from what I've heard, just like any phase, this too shall pass...right?!...I hope...I pray😅

I really wish I can give you some goods on how to deal but since we had just entered this stage, I too am just working my way around it. I think we have made some great progress on some areas and still trying to figure out others. I had just gotten her out of the "NO" to clothes. Yup, she didn't miss out on that one, unfortunately. For some weeks, we have to fight every time I had to dress her, whether it's for bed or going out. Our morning involves with me fighting a shirt on her and her trying to figure out how to kick pants or shorts off. I tried, facing her to the wall, even letting her choose what to wear but both just did not work with our strong-willed daughter (not ready to call her stubborn just yet). What worked? One morning, I put on her choice of top and shorts to school but she still screamed and cried like it was burning her skin. I had to let her cry it out and when finally calm, sat her down and explained that clothes are a must when going out, said sorry that I upset her for forcing it. She hugged me and it has been a more workable situation since then. So a big no during this time is forcing things on them. I forgot that our little person can understand me now if I explain things simple enough. A choice of you stay home or you go to school with clothes worked great!

Now, we are in the world of "NO" to anything. She is upset about church taking so long so she pranced around for 10minutes saying "NO"; she is upset she can't play in a puddle and she stood upset in front of it saying "NO"; she was told to take a bath and she laid in her bed saying "NO". Everything is a NO. I think she knows that NO is now a choice. She can choose to say NO. She can use the word NO on anything that displeases her. I mean, I did, I said no to her numerous time on things I didn't want her to do...now she does it too! Game plan: Use it less often. I am now practicing, thinking of the many ways I can get her not to do what I don't want her to do without saying the word NO. Current progress: Some Success (yey!)

Speaking of choice, this is also apparently the time that they've learned that they can make choices, make decisions for themselves, and of course, she happens to love making a choice against mine. 😂 This one is tricky, so I've also come up with a plan, give her as little amount of choices she can get. Early on, I said that my will shall be done but these little humans are just like us adults, they have their own will and they are who they are. I offer choices but only of two, milk or water? Apple or water? Pink shoes or red shoes? Limiting her choices is less overwhelming for her and she then can make an easier choice without aggrevation.

Tell me, how is your terrible two's experience going? What has worked? I'd love some advice!

We're Sick...again!

Other than sleep troubles, one of the worse things that I ever had to deal with as a mom is sickness and if your baby/child goes to daycare, you know getting sick is just now part of the norm. Isla is going on her 7th month in daycare, illness is less often and by that I mean, she is not sick weekly anymore...now, it's bi-weekly! She goes to daycare three times per week, Monday-Wednesday and in her first 6 months, she would end every week sick, get better by Sunday and by end of the week she is sick again, a vicious cycle! The worse part about it, she has a baby brother who also catches everything that she has.

This week, my Isla had one of the worst one from daycare, FHMD (foot, hand mouth disease), no not the animal kind but the human kind, causes blisters in their mouth and later, in their hands and feet. It's viral so of course it comes with a cold and fever too. I say it's the worst because unlike ear infection (which she already had twice) where you can get antibiotic, this one just like a cold and would just run its course. Yes, Quino caught this one too, it was inevitable as it is highly contagious for kids their age.

Do you ever just feel like when your child is sick, the entire household is too? They get extra clingy so you can't do any work at all, if you do have a job, you have to call out because they can't be at daycare anyway, their energy is down and that sucks out yours, their appetite is off so you end up losing yours too. They also get so frustrated, totally understandable but somehow you get frustrated that they are and you still loose it? Well...I do. I hate it (real talk now!). I'm sure most moms are absolutely poised about handling illness but I have yet to master it even with plenty of practice. My heart aches for her pain and it's almost like nothing I do can make her feel better, and my body, well mostly my ears ache because of the constant whining and crying. I should be more understanding of her clinginess and drama antics, her whining and pining for me, and for the most part I am but I had moments when I lost it too. If only I can protect her from catching one and all virus and bacterial infection out there...hmmm..bubble girl?!

This week I was a walking spit and snot catcher, I was kicked and screamed at all throughout the day and night (by a frustrated and hungry toddler, she can't eat due to blisters in her mouth), I didn't shower for two days nor brush my hair, I haven't slept more for than two hours. My patience ran out at times and as she screams of frustration I did too, as she cried herself to sleep, I did too. She felt so bad and I feel worse for not being more catering or understanding, for not giving her what she wanted, for making her feel worse at times instead of making her feel better. This is one of those parts of parenthood that I just didn't expect and am still so clueless how to handle.The good news? Well, just as the doctor said, wait it out, and it will get better on its own.

Happy Meals

Offering solids to your baby and meal time for your toddler is one of the most exciting and also challenging time of motherhood. Fun to see their reactions when they try something the first time and annoying when they refuse something for the first time. I may had just been lucky that Isla so far is a good eater (don’t get me wrong, she dislikes a lot of things including fruits and some vegetables, not a big fan of pasta either) but I think that encouraging them to try flavors and food that you normally eat can make a difference in their eating habit. Here are some ways that I am currently trying and tried that worked for us so far and also writing a few things to keep in mind as you introduce your little one to solids.

1.       Make some and buy some

I wish I have more time to do this more often but I do enjoy making my little ones’ own food. Yes, very idealistic, most won’t have time but whenever you do, try it and if you can't, do buy. Jarred or packet baby food will cost you over $10 for a pack of 10 and if you’re in the stage where you're feeding your baby about 1-2 jars a day, that $10 of yours won’t last you that long. Buying fresh fruit or vegetable and throwing it in the blender, freezing it in an ice tray will cost a fraction! No need for expensive steamers or baby food blenders, regular blender will do just fine! I don’t always have the time so I mix and match home-made and store bought ones based on convenience.

2.       Do not be afraid to spice them up

If you do decide to make your own baby food, do not be afraid to play around with your own recipes. For a 4month old, start with just one vegetable/fruit at a time since not all can be processed by their baby stomachs and this way it’s easier for you to determine what food causes reactions. Give the same food for 3-4days before letting them try a new one. After their 6^th or 7^th month, you can start mixing veggies and fruits and I would even recommend adding spices in it! With Isla we gave curried squash, carrots with basil and oregano, ginger and cauliflower mixed with carrots (now she won't eat her scrambled eggs unless it's herbed or spiced). Since your palette is more advanced you pretty much can tell what would be a good combination. Introduce spices like paprika and herbs like thyme and basil or even sage! Some moms will stir away from salt and I do agree with that and I did until both my babies were about 7months when I started giving them a taste of any food on my plate that is safe for them to swallow.

3.       Research or Check

Before you get too excited in making them try all, do make sure you read on what food are safe for your baby’s age to try. Some fruits or veggies are more advisable to give at latter months of your baby. What I did introduce a little early were peanuts and eggs, both of my kids were introduced with peanut butter and egg at 6months. Very small amount and it doesn’t necessarily save them from getting an allergy from it but more are saying that introducing them early can lower that risk. So far so good for us, no allergic reactions on both!

4.       Offer what you have and what you normally eat

At 10months, I felt that Isla was ready to eat more. She had a few choppers to chew, she has also learned to spit out food if she bit too big. At this point, there isn’t anything I hadn’t let her try. If it was on my plate, I gave it (including spicy ones). Also at this age, they’re safe to have food that has milk in it so I was less mindful of that. From this point on I stopped preparing food for Isla and gave her what we have. Since we are rice eaters (Pinoy all the way), we gave rice and whatever we have that came with it. When we go out in restaurants, we offered her what Jeb and I ordered. If it’s taco, she will have a taco, if it’s pasta she will have that too, at 17months she’s had maki rolls (only cooked ones of course). What I noticed is that this encouraged Isla try food and now that she’s a toddler, she makes her decision if she likes the food or not.

5.       Encourage self-feeding

Many result to spoon feeding for many reasons and I do that too, I also spoon feed at times but I also do encourage self-feeding. At this time with my 7month old Quino, we offer little pieces of soft food or baby snacks for him to pick and feed himself; I also hand him pancakes, bread and even pasta to hold in his hand and eat for himself. I do spoon feed him for certain foods like rice and soup or purees. At 9months when Isla had her firm grip, I gave her a spoon and welcomed the mess at home to let her feed herself with a spoon. Now at 18months (by 12months she was an expert on spoon and self-feeding), she basically feeds herself and only require very little help from us in eating. I am able to enjoy my meal as well as focus on feeding Quino too!

6.       Do not force your baby/toddler to eat

This is probably the most important advice of all, sometimes, even I forget to do this. It’s hard especially during the toddler times when they would rather play than eat but do try your best to work your way around it (maybe they're not hungry or they just don't like the food you offered). The best way to go at this is by being cautious of your baby’s feedings. Make sure to time their bottle feedings vs meals so that they’re not full. For the first year, formula is more important and complete so offer more of that and make meals just an opportunity for them to try and learn to sit with you on the table. If they seem full or not interested in the meal, do not force it and adjust the rest of the day to make sure that their next meal time will be a better shot. Forcing them to eat when they’re not ready will make eating more like a chore instead of it being a natural part of the day. 

8 things I didn’t Do as a First-Time Mom

There are just so many things to keep in mind, to buy, to do, and want for your baby especially as a first-time mom. Being that I have many moms ahead of me, bests—my mom, my sisters, there were a few things I learned ahead from them that I wanted to do too and some that I no longer did or decided to do differently during my turn at motherhood. Now, not all things listed in here are good advice, if I have to be honest, I did them out of laziness/convenience and many may feel differently about it but it all worked out for us and my babies are happy and healthy!

1.       Sterilize bottles

It’s not like I never did, I mean I tried for like the first month, although I did not even do it daily as it is accustomed or should be. I attended a class in microbiology and remember my professor saying that she never did this, at times, she did not even boil water for her baby’s bottles and she said that it all turned out fine, so I kind of took that to the heart (lol!). After Isla’s first month, we pretty much stopped using our sterilizer and just washed daily. For Quino, we also tried, once or twice and being that we had a dozen bottles due to two babies, we gave up after the second try.-------babies are healthy and happy!

2.       Breastfeed

Again, it’s not like I never did. This is a bittersweet situation for me. With Isla I was so determined to but never produced enough to do so (as mentioned before, she even suffered near dehydration and was just fortunate to catch her right before things were turning for the worse). I pumped for the first month with her but could only produce 2-4oz in 4sessions even with diet, pills, teas, etc. I eventually gave up the idea and decided that my baby is best fed even if not breastmilk. And with Quino, because I also had an 11month old, I chose to stop breastfeeding after two weeks because I also had to cater to her. It worked out for the best for us because it allowed me to have more time to divide between my two babies.

3.       Went with expensive baby bottles

This one was more for convenience and not so much because I have anything against buying the pricier bottles. I wouldn’t say that I’m thrifty but I kind of just went with my gut feel on this one, less expensive bottles could possibly work. For my baby registry, I went ahead and chose Playtex Vent Air bottles instead of Avent or Dr. Brown’s and other brands for the sole reason that it was cheaper (haha!). I didn’t ask for a lot in my registry, just one set as I wasn’t sure how it will work for my baby (some babies are more finicky than others with bottle feeding particularly if they’re transitioning from breastfeeding to bottle feeding so don't go purchasing so many if you're not sure that they'll stick to it), and when we needed more, I wasn’t breaking the bank to get more. Playtex is about $10 cheaper (a set of 3 is $7.09 compared to avent’s or Dr. Brown’s that’s about $17.99) than the other brands and it worked wonders even on my colicky Isla. And for Quino, we used the same ones Isla used and we saved a good amount of money! This one I’d definitely recommend!

4.       Gave Rice Cereal

A big advice especially during my eldest sister’s time was to start your baby’s solids with rice cereal. Some doctors still advise you to but with my pediatrician’s permission, I went another route and gave green beans as my girl’s first solid and carrots for Quino. Scientifically, baby’s first solid doesn’t really define their palette as they don’t really develop difference in taste until 5months (some start solids at 4months) and their determination of liking vs not liking won’t really happen until after a few tries of the same food. I do however, wanted to make sure that my babies have a more complex taste and texture for their first try. More on my theories on food, on another post!

5.       Own an umbrella stroller

I really want one, I probably should have one or two being that I have two little ones but so far I just haven’t made up my mind in owning one. My single stroller was part of a travel system and I love it, it was pricey but received it as a gift and I just felt bad not using it anymore after the first few months so I’ve decided to keep it and continue to use it. I have the chiccobravo travel system and although it’s not the lightest weight stroller, it folds easily and compactly that I even use it in the city and during travel, just fold and it stores away in a corner of a small restaurant and doesn’t take as much space in a compact car.

After having Quino, I also got a compact double stroller (joovy caboose ultralight double stroller), which I love and get plenty of compliments of how much it looked like a single stroller. I purchased this one and would recommend it for moms with an newborn/infant and a toddler because it holds a carseat, seats a toddler and then covert to a sit and stand when both babies get a bit bigger. Being that it’s also pricey, I kept it and drag it along with me everywhere I am with the two babies. Umbrella strollers, especially some brands can also be quite pricey so my advice is if you decided on a travel system or a non-umbrella stroller in the beginning, stick to it to save you some $$$.

6.       Wash new clothes

Well I do but not always, only when I feel like it or don’t have the immediate need for it. Especially for Quino, I’ve decided not to purchase a lot of clothing and relied on gifts, hand-me-downs and Isla’s old clothes (yes, sometimes he wears pink!) so when I do buy clothes, it’s because he outgrew the current ones he already has or he has the need for it. Isla also grew pretty fast and skipped a few clothing sizes after her 2^nd month so that resulted to me just using the newly purchased one without washing it. I really wouldn’t advise this but so far it has worked fine for us. If you have the time, do so just to be safe but if you don’t, you gotta do what you to, you know what I mean?!

7.       Use a pacifier

Nothing against it at all but I worked for a pediatrician for four years and I hear her advice our patients to not rely on them (never got to ask why she advised our patients not to, but some complained it became a sleep association and caused them more trouble than comfort). I know many babies that use or used them and not really depend on them other than having it for comfort and not so much for need. If you do use it, I don’t see why you can’t or shouldn’t. Both my kids however, refused it and I kind of just went along with that. It’s one less worry for me I guess because I don’t have to wean them from it. Isla however, thumb-sucks which is the next thing to paci so…not much difference there!

My Quino doesn’t know of it and his comfort is a tiny blanket which he chews on during sleepy time or to keep him occupied while in the crib (Click here to see).

8.       Purchase all baby gadgets

I have baby gadgets, they’re a must! I did however, decided to keep my baby gadgets to a small collection instead. I live in a town home that doesn’t boasts a huge space or separate kid space so my husband and I really wanted our collection to be kept small. I went with having a mini pack and play which doubled as my bassinet during the newborn phase and was Isla’s play pen during her infant phase, foldable rocker which doubles as my bouncer because it also vibrates, a foldable jumperoo, and a foldable high chair. I figured that if I don’t introduce the swing, the walker, the bouncer, the big gyms, my babies won’t know they exist. I was right and we survived without them (I did have a hand-me-down walker which we eventually gave up because of space issue). If you also noticed, I went with all foldable items, love ‘em!

Let's talk Sleep

SLEEP...it's a big deal! I wish I have tips to share on this one but I have not had much success on it so this is to just share my feelings toward it and my experience. As I planned out parenthood (learned soon after giving birth that there's no such thing), I knew I wanted to sleep train. I have friends that  had great success on it and thought, I would love to have that, a good sleeper. I read blogs after blogs, forums after forums and all sorts of research on how to sleep train and thought that my first 7months were great and that I may have reached success. I was warned about regression but nothing like what I've experienced.

I love my daughter, I do but she put Jeb and I through sleep hell! It started during her 8th month, I thought that this was quite early for regression but later found out that there are things that us parents do to cause it and I think I did 9 out of 10 of those things. Isla was a straight sleeper in her first 7months being that she's formula fed, she was always full before sleep and she would have 8-12hours of straight sleep. At her 7th month, my husband and I decided to bring her to a trip to Miami. Her sleep was not the same afterwards. Her anxiety as we leave her in her crib was stronger than ever (during night and even nap time), we tried CIO (crying it out), we tried camping in her room, holding her hand, rocking her, giving her an earlier bed time...believe me when I say I tried it all. After two weeks though, I saw an improvement and thought we're back! But, silly me decided to go on a trip on my own, leaving her again and it just got even worse upon my return. Now nothing helped. She woke up every hour to check if I'm in the room and cried out her lungs (one night straight for an hour) every time I tried putting her down. Did I give up? Nope! I chose to put her crib every night and woke up every hour or two until she was 11months old. I was lucky to get 2hours straight of sleep before having to get up again to comfort her. She didn't need to be rocked to sleep, she just needed me beside her.

When Quino arrived, I've decided to end this battle with sleep training and decided to co-sleep. She has slept better and so did the rest of the household. Straight sleep? No! Since she started daycare at the same time, she was sick weekly which means no straight sleep for us even if she's in our bed. Our night routine, now involves me having to put her down in her toddler bed and my only purpose is so that she knows she has a room and a bed in the hopes that when she's able to understand a little bit more, that I can persuade her to sleep in her room and bed and no longer in mommy's and daddy's (like, wish me luck). She wakes up to check if I'm in there with her one-two sometimes three times a night before she finally decides to move to our room and by that time I'm just ready for bed and no longer feel like I have the energy to fight it out with her.

My feelings towards sleep? Do what makes you have your best try at getting some. If you're more successful at sleep training, then bravo and good for you. Others may not have your luck and in that case, decide and stick and stand by your decision. I have been very happy with the medium I chose because it is what works for us the best at this time, plus since I work, bedtime is my cuddle time with her and I don't mind that one bit. For now, Quino is happily sleeping in his room and crib, he is 7months but I'm sure we will go through some sort of regression sometime soon and who knows? He may end up in our bed too! I do want to see if I would have a better shot at it with him being that I've decided not to plan any trips for his first year. His personality may also differ from Isla and we may have success...at the end of the day, what I have at heart is that my children get the rest and sleep they need and mines? Hmmmm...I'll sleep when I'm dead!