Today marks our 8th year together as husband and wife. I
must say that we've been known to be the romantics, the cheesy, the always happy
and together couple by our friends and family and normally, a sweet captioned
photo is expected from either one of us on occasions such as today. But I feel
that this year was more special than the past and so I wanted to share a little
more.
It's true that marriage is not all fun and love but for the
first 6years of our marriage I didn't think that could ever be true for us. It's been fun and fun for me at least! It
felt like we were on an extended honeymoon. It has always felt that we can get
through any thing together, we didn't really argue and when we would, we
forgive and forget almost always at an instant. We don't sleep angry at
each other, we never forgot to say 'I love you', we're hopeless romantic. For
some time, I really felt we were #couplegoals! But last year tested us. There were
no other parties involved, it was no one else's but ours' fault that got us to a low point.
I can't even blame it on the kids because we have two of the most wonderful, energetic,
funny, kind and loving children, we are so blessed to have them. For me, I can
only speak for me, it felt like we disconnected, we spoke less, hugged and kiss
less, the effort was less. Was it complacency? Was it that we were just tired
all the time? Was it because work and kids kept us from doing things together
and doing things on our own time? Maybe it was the pressure that we placed on ourselves-- we wanted to be the best parents, we wanted to keep our old lifestyles, we wanted to travel but money was tight, we wanted to do things individually but our schedules didn't allow us. It may be a 'yes' to all of that, it could be
something else or something more but I just knew and I felt for a time that we were slipping away. To be completely honest, I was going to let it happen.
Yet here we are, celebrating together, recharged, forgiven. It took what felt was
the whole last year to get us where we are now. We were not the type of couple
that would squawk at each other but we definitely argued, we had nights where
we slept angry at each other, days that we were not particularly happy with each other, days that we don't even talk except through text or to check on the kids. We tried to fix
the issues so many times but we failed many times too. There were a lot of
tears. There were moments where I felt alone, I'm sure he had those moments
too. For those, I'm sorry and I know he is too.
Year 7 was rough, it was tough, it was cold. It sunk in that no matter how good a
couple is, they are not immune to struggles, that no matter how good we have
it, we will get weak, unhappy and lost. We learned
something we thought we already knew, that we had an amazing 6 years together
because we talk, no, not just talk, we've always communicated. We were open
about our fears, our pain, our joys, our pleasures, our dislikes and if we close
that door even for just a little bit, we will lose each other. Perhaps the
biggest realization is that the saving grace of a marriage is not love, because
that was never a question, I never once loved him less during our tough times. The
saving grace is everything else outside of love--it is trust, it is respect, it
is the constant and tough choice you make to stay together. And not just stay together
because we have to for our kids. It was the kind that we would stay together
because we do love each other because he chose me and I still chose him.
I don't think we will ever get ourselves back to where we
were before last year, honeymoon phase has finally ended for us. But no one
said that the rest of our lives has to be less than the beginning. In fact, it
is more and it could be so much more. We can fall but we can pick each other
up over and over, we can get lost but what a joy once we find each other again, we can stop speaking but I bet you that the conversation after that pause is going to be incredible!
Our last argument also led us to what could've been the be all or end all
conversation. I was ready to give up, I thought that day. I am just going to
pour myself out to him, I mean, I always do but year 7, the many times I did, I
felt not heard. This time, in my head, how he responds will determine our
faith. That day, I'm so glad he cried with me. I'm so glad he secured me. I
said so many but one I particularly remember, I told him I was scared that I
was losing him and he said "you will never." That
day, he chose to stay. I chose to stay too!
So to my husband, Jeb, cheers to us! We survived a tough
year, I'm sure there'll be tougher years. Let's live and learn from each year
and hope that it betters us individually and together!
