Today Marks our 8th Year!

Today marks our 8th year together as husband and wife. I must say that we've been known to be the romantics, the cheesy, the always happy and together couple by our friends and family and normally, a sweet captioned photo is expected from either one of us on occasions such as today. But I feel that this year was more special than the past and so I wanted to share a little more.

It's true that marriage is not all fun and love but for the first 6years of our marriage I didn't think that could ever be true for us. It's been fun and fun for me at least! It felt like we were on an extended honeymoon. It has always felt that we can get through any thing together, we didn't really argue and when we would, we forgive and forget almost always at an instant. We don't sleep angry at each other, we never forgot to say 'I love you', we're hopeless romantic. For some time, I really felt we were #couplegoals! But last year tested us. There were no other parties involved, it was no one else's but ours' fault that got us to a low point. I can't even blame it on the kids because we have two of the most wonderful, energetic, funny, kind and loving children, we are so blessed to have them. For me, I can only speak for me, it felt like we disconnected, we spoke less, hugged and kiss less, the effort was less. Was it complacency? Was it that we were just tired all the time? Was it because work and kids kept us from doing things together and doing things on our own time? Maybe it was the pressure that we placed on ourselves-- we wanted to be the best parents, we wanted to keep our old lifestyles, we wanted to travel but money was tight, we wanted to do things individually but our schedules didn't allow us. It may be a 'yes' to all of that, it could be something else or something more but I just knew and I felt for a time that we were slipping away. To be completely honest, I was going to let it happen.

Yet here we are, celebrating together, recharged, forgiven. It took what felt was the whole last year to get us where we are now. We were not the type of couple that would squawk at each other but we definitely argued, we had nights where we slept angry at each other, days that we were not particularly happy with each other, days that we don't even talk except through text or to check on the kids. We tried to fix the issues so many times but we failed many times too. There were a lot of tears. There were moments where I felt alone, I'm sure he had those moments too. For those, I'm sorry and I know he is too.

Year 7 was rough, it was tough, it was cold. It sunk in that no matter how good a couple is, they are not immune to struggles, that no matter how good we have it, we will get weak, unhappy and lost. We learned something we thought we already knew, that we had an amazing 6 years together because we talk, no, not just talk, we've always communicated. We were open about our fears, our pain, our joys, our pleasures, our dislikes and if we close that door even for just a little bit, we will lose each other. Perhaps the biggest realization is that the saving grace of a marriage is not love, because that was never a question, I never once loved him less during our tough times. The saving grace is everything else outside of love--it is trust, it is respect, it is the constant and tough choice you make to stay together. And not just stay together because we have to for our kids. It was the kind that we would stay together because we do love each other because he chose me and I still chose him.

I don't think we will ever get ourselves back to where we were before last year, honeymoon phase has finally ended for us. But no one said that the rest of our lives has to be less than the beginning. In fact, it is more and it could be so much more. We can fall but we can pick each other up over and over, we can get lost but what a joy once we find each other again, we can stop speaking but I bet you that the conversation after that pause is going to be incredible! Our last argument also led us to what could've been the be all or end all conversation. I was ready to give up, I thought that day. I am just going to pour myself out to him, I mean, I always do but year 7, the many times I did, I felt not heard. This time, in my head, how he responds will determine our faith. That day, I'm so glad he cried with me. I'm so glad he secured me. I said so many but one I particularly remember, I told him I was scared that I was losing him and he said "you will never." That day, he chose to stay. I chose to stay too!

So to my husband, Jeb, cheers to us! We survived a tough year, I'm sure there'll be tougher years. Let's live and learn from each year and hope that it betters us individually and together!

A Letter to My Kids.

Dear Isla and Joaquin,

This is the first that mom's writing to you both so forgive me if it's long. You will be celebrating your birthdays soon and I just can't help getting emotional. All sorts of feelings all mixed up together, I'm happy and sad and proud and wish I can freeze the time just a bit longer, but also so excited to see how you both will grow.

To my first born, Isla. Mommy and daddy could not be any prouder of you. I won't lie, you gave us a run for our money when you were a baby and during the beginning of your toddler years. Now I can see why you were the way you were then. You were always ahead of us. You've always known who you are, what you want and what you need and you've always made it a point to let us know, and for the longest, I refused to listen.

From your first days and months you told mommy, you wanted to eat more, you didn't want to be swaddled, you want the lights off to sleep and you loved loved the water. When your brother came, you demanded the attention. You made it clear to me that I cannot force you to do anything you don't want but that if I acknowledge your feelings, you will give in and also try to comply to what I want but it is your choice, you will choose to comply. You also made it known that the most important thing to you is to allow you to do things on your own and on your own time. You did understand that it’s ok to ask for help and you do when you need it. Now, you are old enough to tell me that you don't like it when I scream at you and you cry when you see me cry so I try my best not to in front of you in my times of weakness. You keep or at least always try to keep your end of the deal so I should too. You love your brother, you don't like him sick and you will comfort him when he needs it. You give in to him so many times but now you've learnt that not everything is for him and you will take what is yours. You choose your battles and you have a very long patience. You love the moon, you love to be chased and tickled, you love movies and animals. You like knowing how things work. You will try something and won't stop doing it until you've mastered it to your standards.You love being independent but also love your mommy-and-you time. You love hearing me say I love you and you tell me you love me more. You love my hair, you play with it so often. You want me to give you time and undivided attention even if it's just your favorite "2minutes". I try my best to give you more than that because I know you deserve it.  

Isla, I don't know how you came about to be you at this age but I am loving it. I love that I can talk to you. I love that you try to listen. I love that you apologize. I love that you fight for what you don't like but will also try to compromise. I pray and hope that you stay this way because this is a making of a person that would go a long way. You are compassionate, you are determined, kind and considerate. You feel and understand in ways that sometimes I feel like is beyond your years. I will always be beside you for as long as you need me and even when you think you don't, I will gladly step aside and watch you do your thing. Keep being yourself. Not all will understand you and will get who you are but it's ok, I will accept you for who you are always. 

Now, to you Joaquin. You are the surprise of a lifetime and I guess it's true, we don't really know what we need and want but God will give it to us anyway and He gave us you. Our family would not be complete without you. I look at you and only feel joy and giddiness because how could I not?! You are the most adorable thing in the world. Everything you do is funny, is cute even when you're naughty!

I struggle to keep a straight face when I have to discipline you but I do. I have to anak. I will try my best to instill in you everything that I tried with your sister. You are so different from her but so similar in many ways too. It's like de javu many times. You are also headstrong, probably more so than your sister. Unlike her though, you can't be talk to about it, you just want to be given time and when you're ready, you will allow me to comfort you. You gave us the easiest time during your first year. It's as if you decided, I'll be chill because Ate needs you right now. And you know, you still do this up to now. When your sister starts her drama about a toy or a movie or tv show she likes, you give in and allow her to have her way. You hardly complain but when you do, I know now that I have to pay attention. You are so much like your father in that department.  You talk and you like to be included in conversations, you like being included in plays and pretends. You also are so eager to learn. You want to help mommy and you follow instructions so well, mommy is so happy about that. You communicate to me what you want too and will keep at it until I give you the warning of your limits. You cry for a bit when things are not in your favor but eventually, just like how you were as a baby, you self soothe and will go back to your old happy self. I know right now people overwhelms you. You hide behind me and that's ok sweetheart. I will make you feel secure whenever you need it. You love sports, you sleep with a basketball but as early as now, you show care and empathy. You love your sister. You rely on her for many things and I saw many moments that you have defended her. Your little self, whispers when Ate is sleeping because you don't want to wake her. You are just the sweetest brother. You would comfort anyone when they're crying with those warm kisses and hugs of yours, it works like magic Quino! Now you know how to say good morning and I look forward to it. You are also starting to pick up "I love you" and I always wait for you to say it back. Sorry is hard for you, you won't face the wall but will take a minute in the corner when needed.

Quino, I feel at times that I barely watched you in your first year and now I see that you need me more, you want me more. Thank you for needing me still, for wanting me. Thank you for your random kisses, you don't know how much that makes me feel loved by you. Thank you for your joyful welcomes and for calling my name "mommeh!", you don't know how much that excites me too. Stay sweet my love and please, don't grow up so fast, let mommy baby you for a little while longer.

To you both, you are my world. I love you both so much!

11months Apart: How it's been with our Irish Twins?

I decided to write this post because recently, I have been experiencing the full beauty of what has become my life, a mother of Irish twins. I don't think I need to state the obvious but I will state it anyway, we did not plan for our children to be this close in age. Heck, I don't even know that we planned having a second, well at least at the time, we were so into being a parent of our first that a second child was not even in the picture. To our biggest surprise, Isla who was born on November 12, 2016 was 4months old and we found out that I was 12weeks pregnant! October 13, 2017, my Joaquin "Quino" was born and even when we had the rest of my 39weeks of pregnancy to plan out what our new life is going to be, we were not prepared. Nothing about Quino's arrival was planned out, how I found out I was pregnant was by accident, how I gave birth (he came so quickly, 1hour of labor and 5minutes of pushing, no time for an epi or for any of my birth support team was able to make it!), and nothing could've prepared us with how Isla was going to take her new baby brother.

Now with that said, was it as hard as I thought it would be? I can honestly say...it is HARD! I was pregnant for two years in a row, went through the phases twice and being pregnant on the second time was rough! Sleep was a commodity hard to come by; we had to deal with childcare set up as I still went to work full time. Talk about two active toddlers one learning to run and one just learned to crawl, I cannot even begin to say how hard that was. But to answer the question, it could've been harder but it was not. Motherhood on its own is challenging and when you're in a loop of the same struggle, it is testing but the cliché and truth, that it is the most rewarding, fulfilling experience.

Eventually, we got the kids to sync their activities. After the 1st year, Quino caught up with his sister's schedule from the time they wake up, eat, nap and go to bed. We somehow got them to enjoy most of the same toys and games, it got more manageable. The real beauty though is now. Isla at 2 and a half years old and Quino at 1 and a half, we are starting to see how these two have built a connection. They seem to rely on each other for almost everything. Even at their young age, we see they truly love being with each other. This is true for any siblings no matter the age difference I think, whether their actual twins or 2, 3 or 6years apart but to witness the kind of bond they have at their age gives me a new level of high.

They rely on each other for sleep-- now that we've moved them in one bedroom together, our camera catches them check on each other over the course of the night. They wake up at different times of the night to see if one is still there. They rely on each other for play-- they take turns on who will be the ice cream seller, in the kitchen, who will cook soup and who will cook cake. They learn from each other, Isla teaches him words, Quino teaches Isla patience and sharing. Mornings are the best, if one is up first, the other waits patiently for the other to wake up and gives the best morning greeting every time. They even connive to trick Jeb and I, scaring us or when they both don't want a bath or the food, they stare at each other and give each other this smirk that's like a signal they will both refuse it. I watch them speak to each other, I can never understand about what but they laugh, they whisper, then they correct each other. They look for each other when one is not in the same place. They comfort each other, probably the thing they do that I love the most. When one is crying, the other comes running to see why, Quino would hug Isla or Isla would try to help Quino feel better, talk to him, tell him "it's ok". Isla who is the biggest mommy's girl, when she knows her brother is sick will give way and allow Quino to get my 100% attention. I can go on and on to say what I get to see everyday between them two.

It maybe that their age gap made their connection stronger, maybe not, as I've seen the same behaviors in kids farther in age. It maybe that they're so close in age that they get each other and not feel that they need to compete with each other (yet). Whether it is that closeness in age that gave them this incredible relationship, I'm elated that I get to witness it everyday. I am hopeful that we can continue to cultivate it so that they keep this kind of closeness for until they're older. Our journey with our version of twins was crazy but I truly wouldn't have it any other way.